Motif
by Saint of Stillness
Summary: But I'm all here, aren't I? Isn't this my heart beating? ...Tinted JxJ... -Oneshot-


At first there is only disbelief, an utter refusal to accept this. His friend simpers, knowing his complete doubt. His friend knows, but Juudai knows that it is not really his friend.

Bright eyes trace his features as a bitter laugh fills the air. "What's wrong, Juudai? Don't you have something to say to your dear friend after so long?"

Juudai falters, clutches his palms, and his lips quiver. "You are not him."

"Am I not?" the imposter asks, running a hand through his blue locks. He pouts, brings a hand to his chest. "Is this not my hair? My chest? I'm only here, Juudai."

"No, you're not here. Johan's not here."

"But...Juudai..." The imposter reaches out, clasps Juudai's hand, and, with a hardly a moment's hesitation, brings their hands to rest on his left breast. "Is this not my heart beating? Juudai..."

And it is true—Juudai can _feel_ the heart beating, but he knows it is not Johan's heartbeat.

They lock eyes, Juudai desperate but silent. He seems to relax, but he then wretches away and glares at the body of his friend. "No, you're not him! You're not Johan!"

"But I'm all here, Juudai." Johan's shell points a finger at itself. "All that is left of Johan is here."

"No!"

"But the answer is 'yes'. You're hurting me, Juudai...This body may want to harm you, but you're doing so much worse."

Juudai snaps and launches himself at the imposter so that they both end up on the cool blue-grey linoleum. The imposter moves to get up, but Juudai grabs his shoulders and slams him down. They peer at each other. Lucid orange eyes contrast violently against clear, encircling white.

Johan whips his head to the side and grins coyly at Juudai. He does not struggle, but relaxes his body underneath Juudai. "Is it that you want to harm me even more? Because your words have stung me so very much. Juudai..."

"Shut up!" Juudai aims a punch at the imposter's jaw, so that a snap resounds in the emptiness surrounding them. The strike brings him no satisfaction, instead leaves a vacuum in his mind, all rational thought and anger being quickly sucked away. Guilt instantly pervades him, but then the imposter looks up at him and grins despite his pain.

"How much more hurt can you inflict on me, Juudai?" the imposter asks awkwardly, struggling with some words. "For despite all this, I can't help but love you...Juudai...You're my best friend."

The imposter looks so utterly defenceless that Juudai is forced to wonder why he dared to strike him. To strike a friend is a terrible thing, so to do so when they are not themself surely has to be a grave sin. Juudai falters again.

"But you're not Johan...No, you're not!"

"Juudai, do you not think about what sort of pain you inflict upon me? First you abandon me, allowed me to nearly die in an alternate dimension. And when I finally come across you again, willing to accept you despite what you have done, you refuse to acknowledge me. Why? Am I such a fool for loving you?"

At this, Juudai decides on all levels that he cannot take this desecration of his dear friend's body. Blackness and vastness overcome him--flashes of captivating gold--so that he has a vague sense of hanging as he feels his body begin to move of its own accord. He straddles the body of his friend and glares down at him.

There is such a glee—nearly psychotic—in Johan's eyes that Juudai is almost disturbed.

"The king! Yes, this is who shall remember me," the imposter says.

"Hnn."

The imposter moves, but Juudai pins his arms to his sides and leans down so that their chests are touching, but his face hovers above his so that the imposter can be given the full impression of Juudai's power.

"Where is the boy?" Juudai demands in a harsh whisper. His words are soon devoured by the vastness sprawling around them, but his tone leaves an urgency in the imposter. However, the imposter wriggles and looks Juudai straight in the eyes.

"I'm all that's left. Truly, I'm right here," the imposter pleas.

"No, you're not," Juudai says smoothly.

"But I am! How many times do I have to s—" An explosion of pain in his right cheek cuts him off. He tries to move his hand to investigate, but it is held down once again.

"Where's the boy?" Juudai asks once more.

"Right here."

And this is enough for Juudai. He clasps the throat of his friend and begins to squeeze. Hands wrap around him and dig into his back, but he does not mind for soon enough the hands slacken and instead move to their owner's throat to try and save him from choking. Then they cease their resistence, and the imposter just gazes up at Juudai as he laughs and coughs.

"Killed by the king...What a fitting way for this unworthy sack of flesh to meet its end," the imposter gasps.

Juudai only tightens his grip.

And then something happens, so that Juudai falls slack against his friend's body and his grip all but fails. Perhaps killing his friend by his own hands—even if just a body—was too much for him. (Indirectly killing, however, is another story...)

"Juudai?" The imposter's voice rings out into the emptiness. "Juudai?"

At first there is no response.

Rising slightly, Juudai looks down at Johan's body with such a look that the imposter, shocked, loses his sardonic mirth. Juudai reaches a hesitant hand, suspends it over Johan's face, and then places it on his left cheekbone.

"Just tell me where he is...Please."

The imposter feels an overwhelming jealousy festering inside him, begins to shiver. An urge to rip Juudai's mind apart simmers.

"Why do you do this to me Juudai? His love isn't as strong as mine. Your love is strong, however. Oh, what did I do to lose it...?"

The imposter shuts his eyes and begins to cry. Without the haughty and supernatural orange irises, the imposter looks so much like the real Johan that Juudai is profoundly moved by the tears. It is the first time he has seen Johan cry.

"I...Johan..."

"I'm not Johan!" the imposter says bitterly. He pushes up, and the situation reverses so that Juudai slams into the floor and the shell of his friend is looming dangerously above him. The imposter still cries, but his mouth is warps in a wicked grin. Any traces of Johan are gone forever, it seems.

"W-who?"

Grinning, the imposter lays himself down on Juudai and gazes into his eyes. Heat wells in both bodies and mingles, so that it is impossible for either to know whose body is warming whose.

"Who am I? Juudai, you hurt me so very much. I'm only..."

And it is at this point that Juudai always wakes up. Several years have passed since the Dark World sojourn. Yubel sits nearby, vigilantly keeping watch against any natural forces that may wish harm upon her Juudai.

It has never occurred to Juudai to think that the imposter in his dreams is still Yubel, for he has resolved all issues with her long ago. Yet, it also does not occur to him to think that it is anything more than a mindless nightmare.

Juudai rolls over and closes his eyes. He feels sleep settling back upon him.


End file.
